One's In The Air...

... so im not invincible, nope. Its christmas eve and Im just sitting here listening to the perfect playlist. "I am more than what you bargained for and nothing less than real. & hey, no Im not perfect."-Drake.
somewhere down the line I figured out that there is not perfect way to live your life. You can only live it one day at a time. Because each day will teach you something new. Stop thinking you have it all figured out because i guarantee you, you will discover something new next week. And yes, Im going to take my own advise. I get to this point where Im like, "Ive found myself." But then I fall, I get back up, and hey... Ive found myself again. Nope...that makes no sense. So once again... I quit. Not trying to figure it out anymore. We're going to make mistakes because we're human. Just have enough pride in yourself to learn from them. This is me. This is who I am. Like it, Love it, Hate it....thats on you. Take it or leave it. That goes to me too. I belong right where you see me. That is all. Love generously, feel passionately, and live. Just live. & move on.

As usual, Alicia Keys has been ultimately a phenomenal women. She continues to prove that. Her new album, The Element of Freedom, is beautiful. Its raw and pure. I've been listening to it all day and each time, i feel it even more. The semester is over and it ended with some devastating news... and I'm not sure if its all the time I have on my hand to do nothing but think or what, but I have been a huge pool of emotions. Its so hard to be strong when everything inside is falling apart. And I keep thinking that I just can't wait for this year to end so that I can begin fresh... but I won't actually be able to close chapters and begin new because there is this one thing that has a hold on me. I know that sooner or later its going to pop out of no where. Even though its cool now and quiet... I know that sooner than later... its going to revive itself...
The Element Of Freedom... my element of freedom. And I wonder will I ever be free? The element of freedom in my own definition would be the ability to release everything that hinders you from fulfilling your full potential. Letting go of insecurities, past tragedies, defeats, and anything or everyone who tries to pull you down. Or maybe its the ability of finding your very own freedom in the midst of the calamity. Being able to completely separate yourself. However, what if there are things that refuse to let go of you and that thing comes in like a thief and thrives to steal all that you are? Tries to break you apart and ruin you in every way possible.
Honestly, I am afraid. Afraid of so many things. Afraid to walk away but afraid to stay put and face it. Afraid to feel, trust, believe. Afraid to open up, afraid to shell up. Afraid to love, afraid to hurt. Afraid to be happy because I know that its so easy to be torn down. Afraid to move forward but definitely don't want to go back and I know that I can't stay here.
... and I feel alone in all of this. And sadly I am.... Funny... I am literally living on my own little quotes right now. I keep repeating them over and over and successfully, I've made it through another day.
Failure is not an Option. Stop searching and everything you're looking for will find you. The beauty of the sunshine is never fully appreciated without periods of total darkness. Someday, it will all make sense, and it will all be worth it. "I'll risk the fall just to know how it feels to fly"-AKeys "Smile when your heart is broken"-OBatiste
Never give up. You have no idea how many people look up and admire your strength.

yeah... the picture has nothing to do with this post I don't think?? Just symbolic of my current emotions. Well its a little deeper than that just don't feel like looking.

.....Geezzzz..so this semester is finally over and I never want to see it again..it was like the semester from hell, well most of it at least. I am listening to this crazy song that has me feeling like a b&*$%... 0_o

...Can I say that I have been entirely fierce all day.. In a poo mood. which is not normal as of lately...6am and you're slamming things not saying a word. Be a lady please. You should have addressed the situation like a women. I do not have time or patience for anymore ignorance in this little life of mine. That is complete stupidity...that is all.

...So today I decided to try this Twitter thing again..I need somewhere to vent so I will lay my burdens on Twitter..However, I still do not see the real purpose of it.

ahhh I can not wait for New Years eve for my blog post...I neeeeedd to get all of this out..Until then :)

I guess the picture did collaborate with the post

Raw. Pure. Love.

"Lolita,

 light of my life, fire of my loins. My sin, my soul. Lo-lee-ta: the tip of the tongue taking a trip of three steps down the palate to tap, at three, on the teeth. Lo. Lee. Ta. She was Lo, plain Lo, in the morning, standing four feet ten in one sock. She was Lola in slacks. She was Dolly at school. She was Dolores on the dotted line. But in my arms she was always Lolita." -Nabokov 

I watched my favorite movie Julie & Julia until 4am this morning. I absolutely adore that film. It reminds me of the simplicity and happiness in life. And it also reminds me of how bad I am longing to live in Europe :(
I must say that between The Devil Wears Prada and Julie & Julia, Meryl Streep is absolutely phenomenal! She has amazing talent!
Anywho... today is my second to last day of the semester and let me say..I am completely exhausted and ready for it to be over. Im actually ready for this entire year to be over. It's been one heck of a journey and by far one of the worst, but best years ever. It was an emotional rollercoaster..however, I think I am going to save the description for New Years Eve..lol how typical of me.

I had the honored pleasure and privelage of meeting my University's President whom, I must admit, is very nice and down to earth person. My acceptance into SOS is truly making an impact on me and my life already and it has only just begin. I am excited about the expericence! At the welcome reception on yesturday, I was able to meet my newest family. It is 42 of us and they are really great people with beautiful spirits. I have a feeling this is going to be awesome.
...I am blabbing to absolutely no one lol..Oh well
Oh I also watched Changeling the other day, thanks to my dearest friend. Truly an amazing film!
I am actually thinking of watching Julie & Julia again tonight...I do things like that but I love that movie..it sort of humbles me.
...One more final to go tomorrow at 8 AM... Its going to be a breeze though. Until next time...